I love you man.
I love how you’re always there, ready to play me my favorite tunes. I love that you work hard to get me the songs that I really want to hear. I love that you listened when I asked you to keep me some songs offline so I don’t have to be connected to the internet to jam out. I love how you scour the ends of the musical earth and analyze songs to make suggestions for me. You’re just great.
While I’ve got you, I’d like to add just a quick note though on that algorithm… I mean, don’t get the wrong idea, I think you’re great. It’s really just where I’m at right now… I don’t know how to say this but… uh… I *HATE* Iron & Wine. There, I said it. Feels good to get it off my chest.
And I know what you’re thinking, “But you love folks like Ben Howard” and “You’ve listened to Elliot Smith’s Behind the Bars like a thousand times”, so of course you’re thinking “this guy’s going to love Iron & Wine”.
No. Just no.
I don’t know why you’re surprised… The end of your playback bar has never hit the end while an Iron & Wine was playing. Not on my computer. Not on my iPhone. Not even my TV. Not once, ever. Skip. Next. Thumbs down. Always. 100% of the time. I’ve NEVER listened to an entire Iron & Wine song. The 15 seconds into an Iron & Wine song before I hit next feels like an eternity.
Ok, so you’re a relationship expert, you’re willing to listen…. We can work this out. Let’s just do a little role playing right?
So let’s say you’re thinking about playing me an Iron & Wine song, but you’re not sure if I’m into it. I feel the best way to move forward is for me to just provide an algorithm that may be helpful, here’s what I’m thinking:
`y = x – 1`
In this algorithm, `y` is the likelihood of me wanting to listen to an Iron & Wine song, and `x` is the likelihood of me wanting to listen to Jack Johnson, with is always zero.
So that works out to:
Likelihood of Collin wanting to hear a song from Iron & Wine = -1
Eureka! I think we’ve had a breakthrough moment and you’re really starting to get me. This is perfect, now I can stream away without fear of finding my way into a soundscape of monotone melancholy.
Thanks for being so great about this.